Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Into the West

I rewatched the Lord of the Rings trilogy last night. Even before the movies ever came out, the Lord of the Rings is arguably my favorite book(s) of all time. I've read them several times, and when I was reading them the first time while in college, I was so into them, I remember waking my roomates up one night because I was yelling in my sleep "into the deep dark forest!" as I dreamed of the flight from the Shire, through Bree and into the rest of Middle Earth. I never heard the end of that one.

Hearing the last song "Into the West" from Annie Lennox as the credits play is one of the most emotionally packed moments I have experienced. I remember hearing the song the first time in the theatre and thinking "I must get this song" and I did eventually run out and buy an album by Annie Lennox, but it did not have the song I was hoping it would (Medusa). Well last night, I made sure to watch the credits and make note of the name of the song, because I was determined to find the song and then play it as I take off from the USA to head towards my new life in Europe. I won't be heading West, but the theme and mood of the song has chosen itself to be my new "theme song" as I begin my new journeys. I just returned from the music store and bought the soundtrack from the final movie "The Return of the King" and Annie's song is on it. I now can play the song in my headphones when I leave the country and ball my eyes out (trust me I'm not kidding, I pitty the poor flight attendants in first class who have to deal with a blobbering, bawling emotional basket case that day!).

Here are the lyrics for the song:

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You have come to journey's end

Sleep now
Dream -- of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across a distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away

Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come
To carry you home

And all will turn to silver glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
Into the world of night
Through shadows falling
Out of memory and time

Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?

Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come
To carry you home

And all will turn to silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Living my nightmare


For more than 20 years I've had repeated dreams where I am moving and I get stuck in slow motion and I can't get everything packed, or I don't have any help to move the big stuff. I'm frozen and unable to finish packing and moving because there is just too much and it all overwhelms me.

Yet, after making my decision to sell everything and go to Barcelona, I had a dream recently where for the first time ever, all my stuff was packed and gone, and my apartment I was vacating was completely empty! This is pretty significant as far as my dreams go, and it felt good.

But at the moment, I'm living in my nightmares. Everything I own is strewn all over the floor of my apartment with the hopes I can sell it all. I had a moving sale yesterday, but it was not very successful. I advertised in Craig's List but not many people came. I will try again next Saturday. Everything $1 - All must go.

My niece's fiance is coming over in the morning with his truck to take the things I've packed up to keep/store. That amounts to five boxes, some artwork, and a trash can full of earthquake preparedness stuff (camping equipment, survival things). Pretty good to narrow a lifetime of goods down to that, eh? I've been narrowing my posessions down now for at least 10 years, since the Northridge earthquake took a bunch of my stuff, then I moved 12 times since then. Everytime I move I get rid of more stuff, to where I am now down to all my posessions in the size of a small one bedroom apartment. Still, it seems like so much and is overwhelming!

After the storage things are packed up, I get ready to go to see the King Tut exhibition at the LACMA. I think it will be an interesting day!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Clean bill of health

My tests all came back and I'm healthy as can be! The blood work, the stress test, everything turned up good. I have a healthy heart, liver, kidneys, and prostrate! Nice to know since my C-reative protein was supposedly over 8 last time and this time it was .8 (point 8). It is considered healthy to be under 1. So last time was either a lab error, or all the mega-dosing I did the two weeks before this last test paid off. We'll never know, but all I know is I'm healthy and ready to live the next phase of my exciting life.

My journal found me


I received a call tonight. It was my journal calling. Or I should say the bar where I left it. They called the 82 year old lady Joelle (I think in Oregon?) that I met while in Ajijic and she gave them my phone number! Joelle wrote her address and email down on a piece of paper and I stuck it in my journal, as I promised to mail her back a book she let me borrow. Sad thing is, I've not communicated with her once since I left Mexico, and now she gets a call from someone in a gay bar in West Hollywood asking her if she knew someone who.... Who WHAT?! My name was not in the journal, so they must have read some of the journal to her and she figured out it was me?! Oh Jesus!

Anyway, my journal found me, and I know from whence I need to retrieve it. By the way the name of the bar is East-West, which is the name of the new bar I described in my last post! They are pretty classy to track me down and call me to let me know they have my journal!

Tomorrow:
  • Gym
  • Get parking permits from Sherrif station for moving sale
  • Create signs to post for moving sale
  • Laundry, and clean apartment

Thanks Joelle.

Celebration


I sold the Beemer on Tuesday to a very happy young woman. And to celebrate the transfer of the car out of my name, and the deposit of a very hefty check into my account, I treated myself to lunch at Skewers in West Hollywood. And much unlike me in the middle of the day, I ordered a wine with lunch. I began journaling during lunch to try and get in touch with how I was feeling, since I'd not had much time to reflect or "feel" since I stopped working a week or so ago. That day, I did start to feel the reality that it was all happening -- that I was no longer working, that I was a free man, and that I could go or do anything my heart wanted to.

After that early wine, I wondered over to the Abbey and joined some nice folks at the bar for another, and another, and another glass of wine. By the time they all left, we were all best buddies. And by the time my friend S. called me and said he was on his way (oh? I forgot he was coming to visit me on Tuesday night!) it was 6 PM and I was talking to yet another guy and still drinking wine at the Abbey. And yet I managed to walk with my buddy (by now he'd caught up with me with his very strong vodka drinks) over to our favorite WEHO restaurant Cafe De'Etoille. We had a lovely dinner (and more wine) and eventually? headed over to the new bar which used to be the video bar _____? (oh my how my memory is going already!) but this new rendition of the bar is quite lovely, with nice sitting spaces and an ambiance where you can hear and talk. We managed to get home, and S. crashed on my couch, poor boy had to go to work the next morning! Ouch.

And now I can't seem to find my journal. Which bar did I leave it at? I'll have to go fishing tomorrow.

My car is sold. My furniture sold. Saturday I have a moving sale and get rid of as much of my household stuff as I can. Two weeks from today all my furniture gets taken away..... I still have to figure out what to do with Kitty, and where I will stay from close of escrow to leaving the country day.

Today I decided I needed an "artist date" and took myself to see a movie at the Grove in Beverly Hills. By "took myself" I mean I actually hopped on a Metro bus for the first time ever, and found my way over to the Grove. It was actually not that bad! The buses are clean, and air conditioned, and I could actually see surviving in L.A. on these buses, presuming one did not have to be anywhere in a hurry. Consequently, that is exactly who seems rides the buses, retired people, students and the unemployed (or so I'm guessing). It's a crap shoot as to how long it will be before the next bus comes around. But all in all it was not a bad experience!

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Selling Everything

This is my little hummingbird friend who guards the hummingbird feeder on my porch like his life depended on it.

The rest of the hummers in the hood like to try to steal a drink while he's not watching, but he's a pretty good guard, and it is not very often the others get a drink! It's fun watching the birds from my porch. The feeder is just beyond an arms length away from the chair I sit in, and it is quite amazing to watch.

On to more mundane things, my realtor had said he was interested in my BMW but was not willing to pay what I thought it was worth. He told me yesterday he was not going to buy it and so I spent last night researching the internet to be sure I knew what a good price was for the car. I determined that $27,800 would be the lowest price out there for my car, and was readying to post and advertise when my phone rang.

It was my dental hygienist's daughter who had heard I was selling my BMW and wanted to take a look at it! Well I just said goodbye to them and they will call this afternoon to let me know if they want to buy the car. I think they will. The price, $28,000. And I haven't even put a for sale sign up yet!

This afternoon I will begin posting my more expensive things on Craig’s list to see if I get some interest. With my luck as it is, I will probably have my whole household sold in a day. Then I'll be sitting around on the carpet for the rest of the month until I close escrow!

UPDATE.... Just got a call right as I was finishing this posting. I sold the CAR! WOW! That was the easiest sale I've ever had!

Hallelujah! YES! YES! YES!

Friday, September 09, 2005

Sale of condo and Mom's house



My condo (pictured above) was appraised today and we're only a couple days away from closing all contingencies. Escrow closes on October 5th! Between now and then I need to sell the BMW and all my furnishings. I leave the country October 18th.

Just got news my Mom's house is back in escrow at a good price for 30 days. Cross your fingers.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I got a raise!

Funny how things work.

If I'd known I had a great raise coming, would I have retired? I don't know. My new boss told me a couple months ago when they put me in my new position that I'd be getting the same rate of pay. I assumed that meant on into the new fiscal year, and so it would have been my first time in 20+ years not getting a significant raise from my employer. After giving notice to retire, and then receiving my last monthly paycheck I realized I had gotten a fairly significant raise! I was surprised. I was never notified of the raise, which is tacky I think, but not surprising since I'd given notice. I guess they figured why give my my annual assessment and tell me I got a raise when I was leaving?

Today is day two of my retirement. I've been busy. I went to a doctor appointment and had blood work done, and then a few hours later had my teeth cleaned. I'm trying to take care of health issues while my insurance is still in force.

Tomorrow I go in to UCLA medical center to have a stress test for my heart and a 24 hour monitor to check for palpitations. There is a concern that I may have heart disease. Whatever.

I'm still in escrow, with a full price offer. Please think good thoughts that it will get past the contingency period.

My mom's house fell out of escrow the same day I went into escrow on my condo. Mixed blessings, mixed emotions.

The end of day two of retirement, signing off for now.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Should I Really Retire?

I've thrown that question out to God almost daily. I've asked that if I am doing something stupid, to send me a warning that I could not possibly misunderstand. I've also asked for confirmations if I'm doing the right thing.

I've been getting a lot of encouragement to go ahead with my plans! For instance yesterday morning on my way to work I was listening to some relaxing music (as I often do these days, don't like listening to the depressing news) but saw an unusual amount of police activity on the roads. I saw as many as five police cars along the roads on my route to work. This is a lot, as usually I see none. So I was thinking I may have missed some big news story about a terrorist threat or something and I switched the radio to the news. I caught the tail end of a human interest story and this is what I heard:

"and so she sold her house, her car, and essentially lives out of her suitcase as she travels around the world. And she loves it!"

I threw my head up and laughed. Then changed the radio back to the classical music.

Then this morning I saw an unusual bumper sticker which read: "Yes I'm an American. But I think it's time we see other people in the world."

Which is what I've been doing for a lot of years already. I'm sometimes embarrassed to be an American when I see how we bully the world with our militaristic might and force our policies down other countries throats. I've been to many countries and know there is a big wonderful world outside the United States! And that is one reason I'm leaving. I just don't want to live in an environment where the culture is all about consumerism and the pursuit of wealth. Here, the corporate world is king, and if you don't work for the "MAN" you don't qualify for social security, retirement, or health benefits! No, I choose to live in a world where family and friends are the most important thing, where what's in your heart is more important than your age, and where you aren't judged by how expensive a car you drive!

Barcelona, here I come!