Monday, July 16, 2007
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Everything is Symbolic of Healing Needed
If I was a good writer, I would work you up to this subject I want to cover in my blog today, but I'm not a great writer. But I am inspired, and I feel that someone, somewhere needs to hear this message: All of what we see and experience is but a symbol of some unconscious fear, guilt or hope that is calling out for healing.
I don't just grab this out of nowhere. Check out Gary Renard's Secrets of the Immortal (an audio series offered through www.soundstrue.com) and/or his book The Disappearance of the Universe, and/or A Course in Miracles.
What made this all very personal for me is that I had a literal dream that everything we experience in life is symbolic of something else that is trying to get our attention. In particular the event is an expression of something that needs healing within us. I've learned to listen to my dreams. Our dreams are very important!
After having the dream I began to review past events in my life while in meditation to see what the symbolic meaning of the event might have been. I've had some pretty bizarre events happen that until now I could only call bizarre or mystical.
I've had several very mystical experiences, but to make my point here and now I will share this one with you that happened to me shortly after graduating from college when I was about 22 years of age. I was working my first job out of college as a flight attendant for a major US airline based in Cleveland, Ohio. I was very much in the closet, practically homophobic by all appearances, a right-winged-Republican-born again- Christian conservative. I was aware of being attracted to men, but suppressed it and thought it was a "sin." I was "dating" a girl in Los Angeles who I was sure that I would marry and live happily ever after with.
Scene I: Walking down Market Street in downtown San Francisco while on a layover after working a flight from Cleveland to San Francisco. Suddenly, as if time itself stood still and like a deer caught in the headlights, I saw the most beautiful, handsome young man I had ever laid eyes on. He and I looked at each other and it seemed as if everything else either stood still or did not even exist. He was on a cable car and he was beckoning me with his mind and soul to get on the cable car with him. There was a soul/body/spirit/lust connection that was overwhelming to me. I fought with myself and "resisted the temptation" and did not get on the car with him.
Scene II: Not five minutes later, after using a restroom in a downtown hotel and leaving the hallway by the restroom I "ran into" my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry. She lived in Los Angeles and I in Cleveland, and neither of us knew the other would be in San Francisco. We were both blown away but delighted and we spent the afternoon together along with her girlfriend she was traveling with.
Scene III: I was back on the plane and "working" the all-nighter from San Francisco to Cleveland and who do you think was on the plane as a passenger? The young man I saw downtown on the cable car five minutes before I saw my girlfriend unexpectedly! Most of the passengers slept the trip home and for most of the 4 or so hours of the trip, this lovely young man who happened to be an orphan, tried to convince me that my Christian conservative ways were crazy and that I should be the gay man that I was and go out with him. Give love a chance he tried to tell me.
But I resisted again, and never saw or heard from this lovely Being again.
Symbolic Interpretation: We always have a choice to choose between fear or love. Neither can exist in the same reality. In fact fear comes from a belief in something that is not real, while love is our true nature and exists in the one true reality from which we came and still exist in -- total oneness with all that is. Fear comes from believing we are separate from each other, from God or Source, and that we live in a world of duality where good/bad, birth/death, heaven/hell, yin/yang, male/female, etc., actually exist. Everything we can possibly fear is based on something that can not, in our true nature and reality, happen. This is the short explanation to what thousands of pages are devoted to in the Course in Miracles, but it's all you get in this space.
So in this totally weird scenario that I've described, I chose fear instead of love. I chose the fear of being outed, fear of being gay, fear of being punished by God as being an abomination, fear of not being accepted by my family and society, instead of love. I could have chosen to be who I really am, gone with this man, been honest with my "girlfriend" and myself, but I chose to believe in all that was unreal and chose to believe I was separate and gave reality to fear. I ignored my true reality which is love and truth.
BUT, since I realized the symbolism of this event in my past, and understanding that time itself is something that is not real (as the course teaches) but only a place where we can hide from God because we think we left His presence and feel guilty for having done so and fear his punishment, I understood that all time, past/present/future, all occur simultaneously, and that by going back to this event I could "relive" it and choose correctly. And so I did. I relived the event, chose the man and love, and forgave myself for playing the role I did and asked forgiveness of the man, and my girlfriend. As a result I felt like time and space itself collapsed around me and the event and that nothing would ever be the same again.
By "forgive" as the Course teaches, I did not forgive in the traditional sense by believing that someone had done some "wrong." Rather I forgave for what never really happened in the first place. For we never really ever left the presence of God, or All That Is, but are only sleeping and dreaming of what it would be like to be "separate" from God and our natural blissful state. Our Mind is so powerful and has the natural ability to create, that this universe that we 'created' seems so real to us that we don't know that we are projecting it all from our collective unconscious. God has nothing to do with this Hell we created and continue to hold together with our minds. This world of death and decay and duality. We simply sleep in His presence and He sends us messages through symbol and Spirit to try and gently wake us up and heal us of our mistaken thought of separateness, so we can be back with Him and have a big PARTY.
And that is only one example. I've gone back in time with several events and they have been mind altering, healing and universe-collapsing.
Is anyone still with me?
Peace to you my brother/sister! I will write again when I feel the inspiration to do so! In the meantime, don't be afraid to ask the really important questions like "why am I here," "who am I," "who is God," "is there a god?" and every other really important question. If you ask, you will get answers. One answer leads to a thousand more questions and a wonderful journey of learning has begun, which can only ultimately lead to one place -- your waking up and enlightenment. TO YOUR JOURNEY! For the first time I can say this and really mean it -- I love you!
Monday, February 27, 2006
Where have I been? Where am I going?
It's taken me six months
to recognize the wonderful gift
the Universe has given me.
which I dared not believe could come true
have collided with my now.
My new life begins
and I live the life most only hope
Soul contract, life purpose,
"what I was born to do,"
have presented, no reminded me
that all that has passed
has lead me to this moment
when I can begin to be/do what I came to Earth to do.
And now it begins!
Finished reading Eckhart Tolle's new book
A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.
Out of the blue a good friend invited me to a seminar on "change" at
I said goodbye to some old friends that I may never see again.
Visited the Legion of Honor Museum
100 years ago San Francisco had the earthquake and burned photo exhibit
Will it happen again?
First time ever Yoga today.
First time ever meditation meeting tonight
Enrolling in school
I won't be posting here much anymore.
Thank you for reading!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
What do I do with my time?
Truth is I'm not doing much. I'm not bored or lonely, but the activities I'm doing right are pretty mundane:
- Setting up my new "home." Got a new Plasma high-definition television. Got my internet service set up. Bought a few pieces of furniture; ordered a comfy recliner from the Pottery Barn.
- Playing video games. This is the one I hate to admit, and feel somewhat guilty about. But why do I feel guilty? It's not like I'm not doing my homework, or missing work. I'm retired and if I want to play video games all day, and into the night, I'll do it! I'm currently playing World of Warcraft, an on-line interactive game that is fucking cool. If you know the game, my online character name is WarriorOne and I'm at level 19. Say hi if you're online and let's kill some bad guys together.
- Daily walks to the supermarket.
- Daily monitoring of my investments. I am pretty close to being a "day-trader" but by definition I'm really more of an "investor." I buy and sell stocks, options, mutual funds for capital appreciation, income and dividends. I just happen to make several purchases and sales weekly. I use a few advisory services to help decide which assist to buy and sell, and since retiring about five months ago I've made three times (3X) my annual budget for income. I've been doing unexpectedly, but happily, well. Yippee!
- Watching stuff on my new HDTV. Watching CNBC during the stock market day.
- Planning and research for my next activities. Current ideas and plans: volunteering at the Gay & Lesbian Center which is a block away from my new home; getting a part-time job in a cool place downtown or in the Castro; enrolling in a Tarot Card reading class or art or writing or...; what I'll do with all the millions of dollars I'll make with my investments; volunteer for the board of HRC; etc.
- I bought Eckhart Tolle's (author of The Power of Now) newest book, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, which I've not opened but look forward to reading.
- Joined a gym
My best friend from LA just happens to be moving to San Fran in the next week and I'm driving down to LA with his girlfriend for his going away party. I'm glad he'll be here, because he's been my source of friends and social life while in LA and I'm sure he will be in San Fran as well.
That's how things are looking from here.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Stop Bush Now!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
My View in San Francisco
These are all taken from my top floor apartment just moments ago. The night shot was taken a few nights ago just as the moon was coming up on the horizon, and is Market Street looking towards downtown (the dome on the left is city hall and you can see the top of the Bay Bridge lit up). Pretty cool, huh?
Final Pics from Barcelona
Hola! These are some of the last pictures I took while I was still in Barcelona. They show the capital building (Barcelona is the capital of Cataluña), typical narrow streets of the old part of town, architecture example, and a "typical" human statue/performer who will stand still until you put money in their can and then they perform for you. Enjoy.